Diary 4

These are the video diary's that I made, after this one I stopped recording myself as i found it hard to look back at them. Although my original idea was to cut up various clips of me and possibly use stills of the video diary's i found it incredibly hard to look back at them and thats why i will not be using them. It is a shame because I am incredibly vulnerable in these and they actually show what I am going through and you can hear my voice shaking and how tired I become later and later throughout the vlogs, I am just not comfortable with people seeing this side of me. Written word is the way i have chosen how to vent as people can't see me but I'm still communicating how i feel, plus is it extremely blunt and emotionless, this means people can read it how ever they please and take their own views of it.

Theme

Since my last tutorial I have been thinking of what the theme behind my images should be as I have the how and the what but not the why. Recently I have been going through quite a lot of things emotionally and have come to the point where it is really starting to effect my day to day life. Things such as not getting out of bed for a days at a time and becoming reserved, I have dealt with this is the passed but it has not ever gone away. I aim to show this through my work, to use this as a venting process. I also aim to get help for this, I have contacted the doctors and have been told to try and get in touch with Student Services too. I am still going to use alternative processing as I feel that the process itself is quite dark and sombre.

I thought about linking my project to my 'journey' into finding out about what goes on in my head. So like every time I go to see someone I will note it down and make a journal entry and then create work that is inspired by that day seeing as cameraless photography because when overexposed it is blinding white and sharp, this is to show my good days and my bad days.

I know this project is gonna be stressful which is why I am making sure that I consult doctors and therapist's during this and documenting what and how I feel. I may do this in a journal or a video diary, I am not sure yet.